How to train your humanoid
by FeelDaBURN8
Summary: Basically the same as the movie...BUT Hiccup is a girl and Toothless is a smokin' hot humanoid!


_Wassup everyone? I literally had this crazy idea in a dream! What if Hiccup was a girl? And if Toothless also had a __**HOT** human form? Well, I'm gonna make that dream a reality! Enjoy! Oh, wait! I have no ownership of How to Train your Dragon at all!_

**Hiccup's P.O.V.**

This is Berk. It's twelve days North of hopeless and a few degrees South of freezing to death. It's located solidly on the meridian of misery.

My village. In a word: sturdy. It's been here for seven generations, but every single building is new. We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunsets.

The only problems are the pests. You see, most places have mice or mosquitoes...

I open the door only to see a giant winged reptile, then quickly shut it before it could breathe fire.

We have dragons.

Most people would leave. Not us. We're Vikings. We have stubbornness issues.

My name is Hiccup. Great name, I know. But it's not the worst. Parents believe that a hideous name would frighten off gnomes and trolls. Like our charming Viking demeanor wouldn't do that.

I was suddenly pushed to the ground by a Viking, he then screamed, "ARRGH! Mornin'!"

I then proceeded to run, getting pushed around was really normal to me.

"What are you doing here?" and "Get inside!" was what was yelled at me as I ran. But then I was suddenly picked up by the collar of my vest by a man with a big red beard. "Hiccup! What is she doing...? What are you doing out?! Get inside!" He yelled as he pushed me away.

That's Stoick the Vast, chief of the tribe. They say that when he was a baby, he popped a dragon's head clean off its shoulders. Do I believe it? Yes I do.

"What have we got?" he asked another Viking.

To which he replied, "Gronckles. Nadders. Zipplebacks. Hoark saw a Monstrous Nightmare."

Then a building exploded in the background, causing sparks of fire to fly in the air.

"Any Night Furies?" Stoick asked, casually wiping a flame off his shoulder.

"None so far."

"Good."

"Hoist the torches!" a man yelled. And on that command, huge torches rose to the sky to get rid of the dragons. That's when I ran to the armory.

"Nice of you to join the party! I thought you've been carried off!" I heard a familiar voice say.

I started to put my hair up in a pony-tail. "Who, me? No, come on." I said as I put on my apron. "I'm way too tough for their taste. They wouldn't know what to do with all of this." I started flexing an arm.

"They need toothpicks, don't they?" he replied jokingly.

The meathead with attitude and interchangeable hand is Gobber. I've been his apprentice since I was little. Well, littl_er_.

"Move to the lower defenses. We'll counter attack with catapults." Stoick ordered.

At that moment, a house was set on fire.

See? Old village, lots and lots of new houses.

"Fire!" a woman screamed.

"Let's go!" I heard some kids yell.

I immediately looked out the window because I recognized those voices.

That's Fishlegs, Snotlout, the twins: Ruffnut and Tuffnut, Astrid, and her hot older brother...Astro!

Astro began to put out the fire with a bucket of water and walked towards the armory, which seemed like slow motion. He's so perfect! And their jobs were so much cooler.

I then felt myself get picked up by the collar of my vest, and pulled away from the window.

"Come on. Let me out, please." I begged. "I need to make my mark."

Gobber then put me down. "You've made plenty of marks, all in the wrong places."

"Please, two minutes." I begged. "I'll kill a dragon. My life will get infinitely better. I might even get a date."

"You can't lift a hammer. You can't swing an axe. You can't even throw one of these." he said while lifting two rocks connected by strings. Until another Viking took it from his hand and swung it at a Gronckle. Causing it to fall to the ground. I should start jogging.

"Okay, fine, but this will throw it for me!" I said while presenting my amazing-shooter-thing! I haven't gave it a name yet. The minute I go to pat it, it automatically shoots at a Viking who falls to the floor. Oopsie!

"See? Now this right here is what I'm talking about!" Gobber said while walking towards me.

"Mild calibration issue..."

"Hiccup! If you ever want to get out there and fight dragons, you need to stop all of...this!" Gobber said, gesturing to me.

"But you just gestured to all of me." I pointed out.

"Yes, that's it! Stop being all of you."

"Oohhhh."

"Oh, yes."

"You, sir, are playing a dangerous game. Keeping this much raw Vikingness contained? There will be consequences!" I said as threateningly as I could.

"I'll take my chances." he replied, not even caring about my rage of female fury. "Sword. Sharpen. Now." he demanded while handing me a heavy sword.

One day, I'll get out there. Because killing a dragon is _everything_ around here.

A Nadder head is sure to get me at least noticed. Gronckles are tough. Taking down one of those would definitely get me a boyfriend. A Zippleback? Exotic. Two heads, twice the status.

"They found the sheep!" I heard a man yell.

"Concentrate fire over the lower bank." Stoick ordered.

"Fire!" on that command, a catapult was fired.

"And then there's the Monstrous Nightmare. Only the best Vikings go after those. They have this nasty habit of setting themselves on fire.

Suddenly, a Monstrous Nightmare appeared in front of Stoick.

"Reload!" he called. "I'll take care of this." he then started to whack a metal hammer across the dragon's face continuously.

But the ultimate prize is the dragon no one's ever seen. We call it the-

"Night Fury!" someone yelled.

A blue light began to shine in the night sky.

"Get down! Jump!"

This thing never steals food, never shows itself, and...

...Never misses.

_CRASH!_

There goes another building...

No one has ever killed a Night Fury. That's why I'm going to be the first.

"Man the fort, Hiccup!" Gobber called to me, heading towards the door. "They need me out there. Stay. Put. There. You know what I mean." he gave out a mighty war cry, and hobbled out the door (due to the fact that he has a peg leg).

Now, I know Gobber told me to stay put, and I usually obeyed him. He was always like an uncle to me. But yet, I found myself running outside with my awesome-shooter-thing. Man, I need to think of a name.

"You're not supposed to be out here!"

"I know!"

"Hiccup!"

"Be right back!" I called as I ran into an open field where I had a clear view of the early morning sky. The stars were still out, I would've enjoyed it if it weren't the fact that dragons were destroying the village again.

_Come on, give me something to shoot at..., _I inwardly prayed.

That's when I saw it. A black shadow like creature flying in the sky. I aimed at the target, and shot out the net. But the force of it shot out was so strong that I fell back to the ground. I heard a dragon roar and saw my target fall into the forest.

"I hit it...Yes, I hit it!" I jumped around with joy. "Did anybody see that?!" I asked as I turned around only to see a Monstrous Nightmare looming over me. "Except for you..." I did the only sensible thing. I turned around and ran away screaming. Hey, if you saw a fir breathing reptile the size of two ships and has very sharp teeth, you would do the same. As I was running for my life, I hid behind one of the large poles of the torches, breathing heavily. Multitasking is not my friend right now...The minute I turn around, the dragon appears again, opening its mouth to eat me. My eyes widened in horror. Then suddenly jumped out of no where attacking the dragon. He punch and kicked it until it flew away.

Then the pole that I was hiding behind fell back and landed on a random guy. I cringed every time I heard him scream. It sounded painful.

Oh, and there's one more thing you need to know...

"Sorry, dad..." I apologized to Stoick. I then looked up in the air only to see dragons flying away with our sheep.

I looked around awkwardly. "Okay, but I hit a Night Fury." I found myself being dragged by my dad away from the scene and with all of the villagers staring at us. "It's not like the last few times, dad! I really, actually hit it. You guys were busy. I had a very clear shot. It went off down Raven Point. Let's get a search party-"

"Stop! Just stop." he demanded. I automatically went silent. "Every time you step outside, disaster follows. Can you not see that I have bigger problems? Winter is almost here and I have an entire village to feed!"

"Between you and me, the village could do a little less feeding; don't you think?" I know I might have offended some people, but I wasn't being mean, I was being honest. There's a big difference.

"This isn't a joke, Hiccup! Why can't you follow the simplest of orders?"

"I can't help myself. I see a dragon and I have to just kill it. That's who I am, dad."

"You're many things, Hiccup. But a dragon killer is not one of them." I put my head down in shame. "Get back to the house. Make sure she gets there." he said to Gobber. "I have her mess to clean up."

Gobber started to walk behind me, "Let's go, Hiccup."

"Quite the performance." Tuffnut said sarcastically.

"I've never seen anyone mess up that badly. That helped." Snotlout retorted.

"Thank you, thank you. I was trying." I said, walking away. I was already used to their bullying.

Though, it did make me smile when Gobber whacked Snotlout in the head...


End file.
